Gaudenzio MarconiNude Male Model, Rear Viewc. 1870
The ride was smooth except for the occasional stops made by the driver to pick up passengers waiting in the humid afternoon where the sun literally melts in compulsion. At the age of 30, having the height of 5’4, who would ever know “Pedro” as we shall aptly call him, dressed in a flashy red polo and slacks sporting a suave hair and a cool attitude and perhaps just came from an 11 hour shift from a well known call center but with a bout with his g.f. about the taboos of having sex while menstruating, end up having a tan under the hot pre-summer sun beside the road fronting YMCA?
The story goes… Dax a big guy at least 5’9 in height and a body builder who can bench press 200 lbs in a blink of an eye, woke up and in daze took his lunch and rode a jeepney towards his gym. Unknowingly as all people who just woke up would act as the saying goes: “makipag-away ka na sa lasing, huwag lang sa isang bagong gising” (better mess with a drunk, than with a person who just woke up) Dax rode his ride with ease and unfortunately (as is going to be explained later) sat beside Pedro, who in his un-right state of mind sat thinking of sleep and unrequited sex.
Dax saw a lady trying to find a seat and he moved succinctly to the right where the lady would be able to sit. But Pedro wouldn’t budge, so Dax did as many people would do. He asked the guy to move; “Uswagi lang gamay kay kita naka na dili makalingkod ang babaye bai” (Move a bit, for as you can see the lady cannot sit) Pedro with a grunt did so but with a grudge, In his mind he thinks of something to get back at the humiliation Dax did. (he’s definitely is never in his right state of mind)
When Dax said:”Lugar” (stop) he walked down from the jeepney, Pedro seeing the chance of doing something to Dax as he was sitting near the exit tripped Daxs’ right foot that Dax almost fell from the jeepney face down that he threw his bag forward to keep his balance. (note: jeeps here in Cebu are high jeepneys the elf type imported from japan if I’m not mistaken)
Dax looking back to the jeepney and noticing the small smirk lined across the face of Pedro shouted at the driver to stop. Now, now, in life there are things that you have no control over and what you’re gonna read in the next few lines may tickle your fancy when talking about these things…
Pedro has no power to stop the driver for as the driver in his state of mind is only doing his job and would want to feed himself and maybe his neighbors’ children whom the father thought was his (hehe) but that’s another story.
The driver politely stopped, with an anticipation matched only by a nine-year old kid unwrapping a newly bought bike as a present given to him by a long lost yaya who ran away with his tito and came back a member of his family.
Anyway the indomitable Dax walked over to the jeepney, while Pedro clinched in his seat anticipating a blow from Dax, he held his feet up and moving in the direction towards the driver he posed as if a fetus in repose suckling its mothers milk. What he didn’t know was that Dax creative as he is has another thing in his mind.
Question: What does a bodybuilder enjoys doing?
Answer: (If you don’t know you’re stupid) carry barbells and other metal stuff til their muscles gets swollen like an ass of a chicken being blown off (try it its fun, you get a chicken turn it upside down and blow on its ass/anus you’ll see it turns red and mimics a policemans lips when pointing to a jeepney driver where to place his “Tong” (bribe) so as not to make it obvious).
Anyway Dax politely as the term implies lifted Pedro off his feet threw him outside of the jeepney and punched him square in the face. Politely, because Dax only did the punching once (konsensya ni floyd: TangE! eh meron bang polite na nanununtok?) (tarantadong floyd: GaGa! Eh kung ikaw kaya upakan ko? Sa tingin mo isa lang matatanggap mo?) (konsensya ni floyd: ay OO nga noh tanga ko talaga noh floyd?)
Now going back to the exciting fight matched only with the tempers flying left and right Pedro stumbles precociously as if searching for his name thrown on the ground. To cut the story short Pedro staggered to remain conscious from the blow of an indomitable bodybuilder. Well as I said earlier Dax was polite enough to just give Pedro one helping of his well-trained arms Dax walked away thinking that Pedro learned his lesson.
But wait, here comes Pedro and remembering a choke-hold he saw on T.V. from WWE which was once former WWF (konsenya ni floyd: ay brutal nun di ba?) (tarantadong floyd: asteeg nga eh! GaGa!) he ran towards Dax and from the back grabbed Daxs’ neck and tried to strangle him.
What happened next is comparable to a fight between Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales with Pedro being Manny Pacquiao minus the strength, stamina, built…uhmm… lets just say minus the everything but I think they look alike. While of course Dax being Erik Morales minus the Gwaping factor of Erik (hehehe peace bro! mwah! Hehehe)
Dax gave him the beating of his life. He started with a mouthful of an elbow to Pedros face coupled by a number of swings left-right-left-right and we’re talking about Pedro already lying on the ground. Now as most Filipinos are and maybe the only admirable trait we have in the whole world is that were very observant and curious in tagalog “Usisero” but alas! The bystanders just watched and with every blow that Pedro took they can feel every vein in their faces contort with a resounding grunt from their throats “Umm! Umm! Umm!” it went on as every punchy landed nicely as an icing to a cake.
Luckily a man on a motorcycle passed by and took pity on Pedro. He told Dax “Sakto na bai, sakto na!” (its enough buddy, its enough already)
Dax stood up, fixed himself and walked with his head up high as if saying “yup, yup he learned his lesson now I see”
Poor Pedro, he stayed there bloody and semi conscious but can never stand up. He lied longer as he should lie and maybe he thought it was merely a dream but it wasn’t. It was as real as the throbbing bruises on his face and the broken nose and teeth.
The moral of the story:
Never ever ever ever fight with a woman having her period. And I mean ever!
